Inferno
by geeklady
Summary: Sequel to Change of Mind. Set in season 4/5 of Supernatural. Buffy has made a new life for herself after the events of Change of Mind, but will the war between Heaven and Hell drag her back into a world she thought she left behind? Buffy/Dean
1. Chapter 1

**One year and Seven months after Dean coming back from Hell, One year and three months after Dean's visit to New York. **

**November 2009**

"Ugh. What time is it?" Buffy grumbled to herself, rolling to check the clock next to her bed. "Crap! Late late late," she repeated, running around her bedroom, throwing clothes on as fast as she could.

_Why today? _she thought to herself, with a groan. She applied her make up as fast as she could, and grabbed her hairbrush, running out the door thanking the PTB that she straightened her hair the night before.

Rushing out the elevator doors, she almost ran past the handsome man standing in her apartment lobby. Smiling at her, and handing her a coffee, he looked like a slice of heaven.

"Figured you'd need it," he dark-haired god explained, seeing the look of adoration on Buffy's face.

"Oh you have no clue," She replied, taking a sip of her coffee. "Josh, my dear, have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"Yes, well you can make it up to me by introducing me to the new hotty in your department," he said, with a laugh and a wink.

"Mark? I don't think he's gay. I mean, I'm pretty sure, especially since yesterday was the fourth day this week, he 'accidently' brushed his hand against my butt."

"Maybe he just appreciates a fit woman," Josh said with a pout, hailing a cab.

"I'm sure he does," Buffy replied, getting into the car. She sat in her seat, and fidgeted with her outfit. Somehow she managed to throw on something that looked half decent.

_Out of all the days to be late, why today?_ She asked herself, with a sigh.

"Would you stop?" Josh demanded with exasperation. "You've got this! You really have nothing to worry about, everyone loves you!"

"Not Karen! She's out for blood, I just know it!"

"Well fuck Karen!"

"Josh," Buffy said with a giggle.

"No, Buffy, I'm serious, if they are truly worried what Karen 'wears-the-same-skirt-three-days-in-a-row' Myers thinks, then both they and Karen can go fuck themselves," Josh finished with an obscene hand gesture, handing the cabbie his fee, with a generous tip, before stepping out of the vehicle.

Buffy scrambled out of the car, and stood in front of her office building nervously.

"Look Buff, you're going to be great. Just chill, relax, and at exactly 6 o'clock, we're going to get blitzed out of our minds. Either in celebration, or in mourning. Okay?"

Buffy laughed, "Okay, okay. I'll talk to you later."

Josh waved bye over his shoulder, already walking away to the coffee stand next door.

Making her way to the elevator, Buffy's phone chirped a message, "**Good luck, Buffy! Love Dawn (number one sister, ****extraordinaire****).**"

Buffy smiled to herself as she put her phone back into her pocket. Even after leaving the School, the Scoobies had all stayed in touch. Sure, at first they were shocked she chose to leave, but they all eventually came around. They agreed that Buffy had gone through enough.

They all supported her career change, and had all come to visit one time or another. It seems like it's every couple of weeks that Faith is in the area, ya know, 'for a hunt.' Buffy wasn't complaining. She may be out of the slayer bizz, but she was glad her pals were still around.

She had now been living the civilian life for a year and a half, and she was up for a promotion. A really, really big promotion. She'd never had one before, so she was nervous as hell. Not that she could say that to Josh, or anyone else for that matter. Everyone at Ridge Brothers Co. thought she spent her time at the Slayer Institute as a Media Advisor.

Of course, they thought the Slayer Institute was just a school for wayward girls.

It had taken eighteen months, but Buffy had finally started to make a normal life for herself. She went to work, she socialised with co-workers, and she bought clothes without wondering how hard it would be to get demon blood out of the material.

Buffy had a normal life, but she hadn't done it for herself. She had done it for Dean.

For the past year and a half Buffy had been struggling against her Slayer instincts, trying to build herself a normal life. A life Dean would be proud of.

So here she was, living in New York City, working at an Marketing Firm, and possibly being promoted.

_Here goes nothing_

Twenty minutes later, Buffy came out of her bosses office with a giant grin. She was now the new West Coast Marketing Manager. All West Coast clients were now her responsibility, giving Buffy more career success than she ever had in her life.

_Take that Karen! Take that bitchy secretarial pool! _Buffy thought to herself.

Buffy literally skipped out of the office at 5PM, rushed home, trying to get ready in record time, as the phone rang.

She answered the phone, without looking at the caller, trying to frantically dry her hair.

"Hello?"

"I just don't get it. You didn't finish College, you have no experience in Marketing, how in hell have you been promoted to region manager?" Dawn questioned, incredulously.

"Hi Dawn," Buffy sang into the phone, before answered Dawn's question, "Dumb luck? Honestly, I'm as shocked as you are. Bad ass monster killer turned marketing mogul. Who knew?"

Dawn snorted her amusement, "yeah, well congrats and all that."

"Jeez, don't sound too enthused," Buffy said, a little hurt.

"Sorry, it's been a busy week," Dawn replied with a yawn.

"Yeah? What's been going on?"

"Nuh-uh. No Slayer business for you, Miss 'Marketing Mogul'," Dawn sarcastically replied.

"Ugh, whatever. I gotta go anyway. Josh is meeting me downstairs in 15."

"Fine, call me tomorrow when you're dying from a monstrous hangover. I think I'll need the laughs."

"Bye, Dawn," Buffy replied briskly.

"Tell Josh I said 'hi'!' Dawn shouted before Buffy had a chance to end the call.

Buffy met Josh downstairs at exactly 6PM. She ran up to him, and jumped into his arms, almost knocking him to the ground.

"I'm guessing it went good?"Josh laughed, wrapping his arms around Buffy.

"Let's put it this way, I'll be buying the drinks tonight," Buffy responded with a laugh, and a wink.

"Dawn said hi, by the way," Buffy commented, as they walked outside to hail a cab.

"And how is my favourite Summers?" Josh joked.

Buffy rolled her eyes, and laughed, giving the cabbie directions to their usual bar. "She's fine, just a bit exhausted from work."

They arrived to the bar, and quickly found their group of friends.

"The bitch got it!" Josh exclaimed to their friends, causing a round of cheering and congratulations.

When Buffy first moved to New York, many of her friends had offered to come with her, so she wouldn't be alone. She politely declined. She was determined to do it on her own.

Of course, Spike totally ignored her request, choosing to discreetly follow her around the city, making sure she was safe. It took two weeks of begging before he agreed to leave her alone.

_"Alright love, I'll leave you be, but I ain't goin far."_

Not long afterwards he accepted a teaching role at the New York Slayer Institute.

After those two weeks, Buffy was totally alone, for the first time in forever. She had no friends, and no family. That was until she got hired by Ridge Brothers Co. Within weeks, Josh had adopted her and taken her under his wing, showing her the best New York nightlife, and including her into his group of friends.

Buffy couldn't have been more grateful, and absolutely adored Josh.

Spike and Dawn both visited as much as possible. Spike was only a couple of blocks away, and managed to visit once every couple of weeks.

Dawn couldn't visit as much but in those visits, Dawn formed a strong bond with Josh, making him practically family to the Summers girls.

Buffy went to the bar to buy a round of drinks. As she waited to be served, she couldn't help but appreciate the normalcy of the moment. Buffy Summer the Vampire Slayer was drinking in her favourite bar in New York City, surrounded by friends, and celebrating her first work promotion. You think she would be happy.

After four hours, and many drinks later, Buffy decided to take herself home. Her tolerance for alcohol might have gotten better, but she was still a petit women. There was only so much drinking she could handle.

She said her goodbyes, declined all offers of an escort, and made her way outside. It had just gotten into winter, and was freezing, but Buffy had Slayer resistance and decided to walk home.

It wasn't long before she was joined by Spike.

"I should of known you'd be around," She slurred. She turned to look at her newly acquired companion.

Spike looked especially handsome. He wore his usual black jeans, and Dr. Martens, but he had matched it with a navy blue v neck, and short leather jacket.

"You shouldn't be walkin around alone, pet," Spike replied, walking closely to her. "Plenty of bad things that go bump in the night."

"Slayer, remember?" she replied, slightly leaning against Spike as they walked.

"Love, in this condition, you couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag."

Buffy snorted in laughter, as they continued to walk towards her apartment.

"Why do you look so nice?" Buffy asked, taking in his appearance again.

"Had a date," Spike replied, shyly.

"Yeah?" Buffy asked, surprised. She pushed away from him to get a better look at his face. "Who's the lucky girl."

"Nurse at the Institute."

"Slayer?"

"Yeah," he laughed. "Seems I got a type."

Buffy smiled, as she leant back at this side, "How'd it go?"

Spike sighed, as he lit up a cigarette, "it went. Not much to say, really."

"I'm sorry to hear it."

"Sorry to tell it, love. She's a nice bird."

They walked the rest of the way to Buffy's apartment in silence, they made their way inside and Buffy got them a couple of beers.

They spoke about their day, and Spike congratulated Buffy on her promotion.

He quickly finished his beer, set it down, and moved closer to Buffy, pulling her into an embrace, and leaning down to kiss her.

"Spike, stop," Buffy said weakly, not pushing him away.

Spike growled closely to her mouth, "why?"

"You know why," she replied tensely, "We've been through this before. I can't give you what you want."

Spike sighed, and pulled away slightly, looking down at her.

"Pet, I know your heart is still with 'im," Spike started, instantly making Buffy uncomfortable. She tried to move away, but he held her back, "No, Buffy, listen. I know you still love 'im. I can't begrudge you that."

Buffy looked down at Spike's arms, as they were wrapped around her.

"Not asking for anything, Buffy. Just this."

Spike loosened one of his arms, and lifted Buffy's head towards his, causing their lips to meet.

Buffy's guilt had quickly melted away as their kiss deepened. Spike brought his left arm to circle her waist, and had his right hand tangled in her hair. He gave it a tight tug, causing her to moan, and giving him better access to her mouth. He lowered both hands to her hips, grabbing her shirt and lifting it up over her head, barely stopping their kissing while doing so.

They had slowly moved themself towards the lounge room. As Spike's heels hit the couch, Buffy gave him a firm shove, causing Spike to fall onto the cushions. The aggressive move brought a smile to his face.

"There's my girl," he muttered as Buffy straddled him, capturing his mouth with hers.

Buffy quickly took off Spike's shirt, and started on his pants. She had him undressed with seconds, and started undoing her own clothes.

As the last of Buffy's clothes hit the floor, Spike grabbed her by the ass, and spun them around, so Buffy was bent over the side of the couch, facing away from him. With a hard kiss to the neck, Spike pushed into Buffy, causing her to cry out in pleasure. He smashed into her again and again, quickly bringing her over the edge. As the waves of pleasure slowed, she noticed that Spike was moving them to her bedroom.

Spike sat down on the bed, and pulled her into his lap, so that she straddled him. Looking him in the eyes, Buffy slowly began to ride him, building up momentum. Her mouth popped open in a moan, as Spike bucked up to meet her thrusts. He sat up and caught her in a kiss, still meeting her stroke for stroke. He made trail of kisses down the side of her face to her neck, his tongue finding the scar on her neck. He bit down suddenly, not piercing the skin, and sucked hard. The sudden sensation caused Buffy to gasp, gripping Spike's back, and clenching her legs.

With a growl, Spike flipped them, so Buffy was beneath him on her back. With quick urgent thrusts, he reach completion, burying himself deep inside her, moaning.

They both collapsed on the bed, still wrapped in each other. As they laid there, Spike's hand moved around Buffy's stomach, making slow sensual circles. Eventually exhaustion took them over and they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Buffy woke early the next morning, groggy and sick, with Dean's arm wrapped around her stomach

_ Dean? _Buffy thought to herself, half asleep.

She quickly turned to realise that she had fallen asleep with Spike.

_Dean's dead. _ The thought crashing into her suddenly.

Buffy dropped back to the bed, bringing her hands up to hold her head. It felt like someone was trying to drill into the left side of her brain.

_I'm never drinking again_.

She held her hands there a moment longer, before looking back down at Spike. At first glance, you wouldn't think he was a vampire. While he slept, he looked pure with his tussled bleach white hair, and pale muscled skin. He looked perfect, she thought to herself drowsily.

She had started sleeping with Spike a month earlier. Not consistently, but every now and then. She had been lonely for a while, finding it hard to connect with any man she tried to date. It's not like they could bond over shared experiences.

So slowly, Buffy and Spike rekindled their relationship. It wasn't like their relationship in Sunnydale. That was a relationship of destruction and self loathing. This was something else. Something happier but Buffy still had reservations. It was clear that Spike still loved her, and while she really did care for him this time around, she didn't love him back. She couldn't love him back.

Sometimes, she wished that she did love Spike. Maybe then they could be something close to normal. He deserved that much.

But she couldn't. Not when her heart still belonged to someone else.

She knew she should stop what was going on between them before he got hurt, but she couldn't. In the past year, she had come to rely on Spike more than anyone else in her life. He was the rock she could always depend on. She just didn't know how to let him go.

Buffy laid in Spike arms for an hour or so before she felt him stir behind her. He leaned closer to her, and kissed her shoulder.

"I know you're awake, pet," he whispered into her ear.

"Wasn't trying to hide it," she murmured, "just trying not to die."

Spike chuckled, "gotta say, really loving these roller shutters. Wakin' up on fires not a good experience. Trust me."

Buffy snorted and replied, "better be grateful. Know how much it cost to get them up here?"

Spike laugh again while checking the time.

"Bugger," he said, rolling out of bed, "look, love, I best be off."

"It's 10AM. You'll fry," she remarked, as he went in search for his clothes.

"Don't worry, I'll be taking the sewers," he yelled from the lounge room, before coming back into Buffy's room. He was carrying a glass of water and some panadol. He placed them on her bedside table, "I gotta get back to the school. Some sort of meetin'. I'll catch you later, pet."

He kissed her on the top of her head as he was about to leave causing Buffy another twinge of guilt.

Spike noticed, and sighed. He sat down beside her, and pushed a bit of stray hair out of her face.

"Pet, this thing between us. It's different from last time. You're not using me. We're just mates, looking for companionship," he explained, softly.

"You know that's not true, Spike," Buffy said, quickly, "you love me. And I'm using that love. Again."

"I love you, it's true. But I know how you feel. I ain't looking for you to love me," Buffy looked at him, disbelieving. "Honestly, Buffy," He insisted, moving his hand to her waist. "Maybe one day, you'll love me. One day when you've stopped mourning Dean Winchester," Buffy flinched away at Dean's name, but Spike continued on. "Maybe one day. But whether that day comes or not, I'd rather have half of you, than none of you at all."

"That doesn't make it okay," she replied, softly, "I don't want to hurt you," she finished, weakly.

Spike smirked, "Then, don't. 'M a big boy, pet. It's okay."

Spike looked at Buffy with such sincerity and love, it broke her heart. She cursed herself for not being able to love the man in front of her.

She slowly nodded, accepting Spike's explanation. He looked relieved and got off the bed, ready to leave.

"Rest up, Pet," he said softly, shutting the door behind him as he left.

Buffy laid in bed a moment longer, before reaching into her bedside table and bringing out a stack of photos.

While travelling with the Winchesters, they had stumbled into this dinky town, and found a store that sold those old Polaroid cameras. Buffy instantly bought one, and spent the next two weeks taking as many photos as she could.

There was a photo of Faith in the Impala, with her legs up, and feet stick out the open window.

A photo of Sam, sitting at his computer doing research.

A photo of Dean, mouth wide open taking a bite of a burger.

A photo of all four of them, standing next to the Impala. They were parked at dingy gas station. Buffy had insisted on the photo, and had asked the attendant to take it for them

Buffy had gotten to the last photo, smile on her face, but tears still streaming down her face. The last photo was of her and Dean. It was the first night they had made love, and the only photo that Dean had insisted on.

Dean had his arm wrapped around her ribs, with Buffy pressed firmly against his chest. They both had giant grins plastered on their faces.

Buffy looked at the photo, tracing Dean's face with her fingers. She couldn't forget anything about him. She still carried him around with her everyday

She wasn't being completely honest to Spike, not really, not when it came to why she couldn't stop feeling guilty. She felt bad about using Spike, that part of was true, but even after a year, she still felt like she was betraying Dean.

He was dead, she knew that, so why couldn't she stop loving him?

**So that's the first chapter. **

**I know I've been gone a while, and updates may come a little bit far apart, but I am almost finished the next chapter so that bodes well, I guess. Hope you liked it! **

**Please review and follow. **

**Thanks! **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

It had been two weeks since Buffy's promotion, and everything was going great. Sort of.

Work was great, Josh was great, New York was great, but her Scooby friends? Not so great.

She could barely get them on the phone, and when she did, there was always some emergency that meant a end to an already short conversation.

Buffy may not be an active Slayer anymore, but she couldn't turn off that voice in her head that shouted 'DANGER'. She tried to push it from her mind, tried to stick to her normal life, but she just couldn't. You can take the girl out of Slaying, but you can't take the Slayer out of the girl.

So she kept trying. Every day she called, and every day she was brushed off.

In an act of desperation, she went to the New York Slayer office. She was quickly asked to leave, and when she tried to demand answers, she was pushed out the door. Forcibly.

Something was happening, something big. Sure, she was retired, but that doesn't mean she couldn't know what was going on, right?

That was her reasoning for breaking into Spike's basement apartment. He was the lead trainer at the New York branch, and worked closely with Cleveland. He would have to know something, _anything_.

Buffy had planned the break in for days, waiting until she knew Spike would be at the Institute, and took a person day from work.

She couldn't handle being kept in the dark anymore.

She worked her way through the apartment, shuffling through any papers she could find, picking up random books, and putting them back down again.

"There's got to be something," she muttered to herself, putting down another note pad full of scribbles.

"Lost somethin', pet?" A voice sounded from the door way, causing Buffy to jump in shock.

_Good one, Buf. Letting a vamp sneak up on you, like some sort of newbie_

"Ah um, of course not. I've come to see you, obviously," Buffy replied, lamely.

"That right? Come to see Ol Spike at 3PM on a Thursday? Not really my office hours, love."

"What are you doing home? Why aren't you at your _actual_ office?" Buffy demanded, getting defensive.

"Well when a certain Slayer starts asking unusual questions, a fella might start getting suspicious. Only took a quick call to your office to realise you weren't there. Put two and two together, and look what I found," he explained, with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

Buffy pouted, cursing herself for not keeping up with her training. Buffy in her prime wouldn't of allowed herself to get caught out like this. _Must be slipping in my old age_.

"Now pet, why don't you explain why you're ruffling through my possessions."

Buffy sighed in frustration, "you know why! Something is happening, and no one is telling me anything! It's so frustrating, so so.." She trailed off, not being able to find the right word.

"Civilian," Spike finished.

"Yeah! Civilian."

"That's what you are, love. Civilian. Slayer business not your business anymore."

"It'll always be my business. It's in my blood," Buffy tried to explain, desperately.

Spike looked at Buffy sympathetically for a moment, and then up at the ceiling in resignation.

"Bloody hell," he muttered softly, so soft Buffy barely picked up on it.

He looked back at her, "sit down," he instructed, pointing to the couch.

She moved quickly, taking a seat.

"Look pet, if any of the Scoobs know I'm tellin' you this, I'm as good as dust, got that," Buffy nodded quickly.

"Alright," he said hesitantly. "Something big IS coming. Bigger than anything we've ever dealt with before. The Apocalypse is coming."

Buffy rolled her eyes, "been there, done that, got the t-shirt."

"No love, you're not listening. Not _A _Apocalypse. _THE_ Apocalypse. The Biblical kind."

Buffy knitted her eyebrows together in confusion, "huh?"

Spike sighed, which is strange since he really didn't need to breath, "Lucifer raising from below to make war on the Angel's above."

Without a moment's hesitation Buffy cracked up laughing. Yeah, right. The Devil raging war against Heaven. Buffy looked to Spike, still laughing. His serious face caused her to abruptly stop.

"You're serious?"

"As a heart attack, love."

"What? How?"

"Apparently all it takes is for a couple of seals to break. Some are already broken, break a few more and Bob's your uncle, Lucifer is on vacation," Spike explained, reaching for his cigarettes.

Buffy mind was racing. This was bad. Really bad. The urge to do something was overwhelming her.

Spike saw the conflict in Buffy's eyes, and quickly dropped his cigarette in a nearby ash tray, and grabbed Buffy by the shoulders, "no," he said seriously.

"What do you mean 'no'?" Buffy asked, eyes narrowing.

"You're not a part of this, do you hear me?" Spike replied, slightly angry, "you got out, now stay out. There's hundreds, maybe thousands of Slayers out there. There's nothing you can do that they can't. Stay out of it," he finished, between clenched teeth.

Buffy took a breath, trying to calm her mind. Spike was right. She was retired. Even if she wanted to be back in the fight, she hadn't even trained in two years. She would be an easy target.

"Right. You're right," she mumbled.

"Damn right I am," Spike mumbled back in reply.

"I-I should go. I'm sorry about, ya know, breaking in and going through your stuff."

Spike snorted in laughter.

"S'right Slayer. Go home, and stay out of it."

It had been three weeks, but Buffy couldn't get her conversation with Spike off her mind.

No matter what she was doing, who she was with, all she could think about was her friends and family going into battle without her.

Without meaning to, she starting training again. It started off with going for a jog after work, and then evolved into turning her spare room into a makeshift gym. Soon enough, she was going for late night 'walks'. She told herself it was to clear her head, but deep down she knew what she was doing.

On her third night out, she was attacked by a vampire. It was drawn by her Slayer blood, it could barely help itself. The fight was short but sweet. She may be out of practice but she had been an active Slayer for most of her adult life. It's not something you forgot.

On her sixth night out, she had taken down her fourth vampire in a park near her apartment, when she felt the presence of a master vamp trailing her. This one she knew.

"Spike, stop being creepy," she called to the darkness.

A chuckle came in reply, as Spike stepped out from behind a group of trees. "S'not creepy."

"Watching me behind a bunch of trees? Yeah, that's creepy."

"My ladies have been reporting low vamp sightings. Thought I'd investigate," he explained, lighting a cigarette.

Buffy at least had the decency to look embarrassed. She had been busted. Big time.

"What are you doing, Buffy?" Spike asked, dropping his joking manner.

Buffy immediately got defensive, "My job!" She saw Spike was about to retort, but didn't let him get a word in as she continued, "no wait, let me explain. I'm not looking to get involved, I said I wouldn't, but what if I have to? I can't let myself get out of shape. That's all this is. A work out."

"A work out?" Spike asked with a smirk, "Love, if you wanted a work out, all ya had to do is ask," he finished with a raised brow. He slowly sauntered over to her, oozing sexual prowess.

"Spike, be serious," she said meekly, as he reached her.

"I am," he replied, wrapping an arm around her waist, putting his head to neck to lick and bite and softly.

Buffy tried to keep back a moan, and failed. "'M not going to stop patrolling," she managed to get out.

Spike lifted his head to look at her, "Never thought you should've. You were always at your best with a stake in your hand," he replied seriously. "Not to mention the pheromones you give off when you're all hot and bothered," he finished, leaning down to kiss her roughly.

Buffy kissed him back just as intently, remembering Faith's words all those years ago.

_"Isn't it crazy how slayin' just always makes you hungry and horny?" _

Buffy wasn't hungry.

She pulled away quickly, breathing heavily. "Let's go back to the apartment," she said huskily.

"Let's stay here," Spike replied, leaning down to kiss her, picking her up as he did. She wrapped her legs around his waist in agreement, as he carried her further into the secluded park.

He pushed her against the rough bark of a nearby tree, pulling back to lift up her skirt, and look in her eyes. "Reminds me of the first time," he said, looking at her intently.

Instantly Buffy's mind shifted back to the night they had first slept together. They had started against the wall, and literally brought the house down with their passion. She was never proud of that time in her life. Spike had been soulless, and misguided, but he had loved her.

He loved her, and she had used it.

Her thoughts were cut off as Spike thrust deeply and roughly inside her, causing her to moan loudly.

Spike chuckled, "not so loud, love." Buffy bit down into his skin to stop herself from crying out loud as he continued a rough and fast rhythm. She bit harder, tasting blood. Spike moaned loudly into her neck at the sharp pain.

He dropped her to the ground, and quickly followed her, climbing on top. They stayed in that position for what felt like hours, wrapped in each other. Buffy hooked her ankles around his back, gripping his hair with one hand. Spike had his arms wrapped across her back, griping her almost painfully. They climaxed within moments of each other, collapsing to the ground, with Spike sprawled across her.

They took their time to get back up, and as they stoop, Spike wrapped his arm around her shoulder, "c'mon love, I'll walk you home."

Buffy smiled. It wasn't like the first time at all.

She may not love him, not the way he wanted but it was nice to be with someone that she cared about, who also cared about her. Spike understood her in ways that most people never will. It'll end some day, but until then, she was happy to stay in his arms.

Buffy's life continued like this for weeks. She went to work during the day, hung out with her friends in the early evening, and her nights were spent either patrolling or with Spike.

It was an unusual life, one mixed with the normal and the supernatural, but, surprisingly, it worked.

For the first time, in a long time, she was content.

Sometimes, she could even forget about Dean.

Not very often, and not for very long, but sometimes her mind wouldn't be with Dean. It was in the moment of combat, or passion that her mind let him go for the moment.

Even when Angel died she hadn't had this overwhelming pain.

With Angel, it was guilt. She was the one who sent him to Hell. Maybe if she hadn't, she wouldn't have been as heartbroken as she was.

Dean was different. She wasn't the one who sent him to Hell, but the pain of his death overshadowed anything she felt when Angel died.

Two years later and she never truly let him go. She closed her heart off and kept going through life as if she didn't need it.

She was happier that way. She didn't want to replace Dean. She never could.

Sometimes she felt guilty when she was with Spike. Not just because it was unfair to him.

She felt guilty because she was betraying Dean. She couldn't even tell herself that he would of wanted her to move on. He would hate that she had taken comfort in a vampire's arms.

But whether she wanted to or not, she had to live without Dean.

Buffy did the best she could. Dean might hate that she was with a vampire, but he would still want her safe and happy.

Right?

**APRIL 2014 **

Every day on this goddamn planet was a nightmare. A living nightmare, reminding him that in the end, we're all holes in the ground.

Maybe a slightly pessimistic way to look at it, but when your fresh out of hell, with a baby brother drinking demon blood, it's hard to think positive.

Seriously, is the world ever going to stop being fucked up?

Dean had been sitting in the same bar stool for an hour and a half, drinking whisky after whisky, always hoping the next glass would be the glass that relaxed him.

This had been life for the past couple months. Hell, for the past year and couple of months. Ever since New York..

Sammy and his Hell bitch just make it worse.

You trust somebody, and they do nothing but throw it in your face.

He trusted Sammy with his life, and then caught him sucking blood from a fucking demon.

And then he left. Chose that Hell bitch over his own brother.

He couldn't even bring himself to think about.. _her_.

Dean shook his head, and sipped his drink.

He'd lost the two people he cared about most. Maybe the only two people he cared about, other than Bobby.

_What you expect? An alcoholic hunter, who tortured people for fun. Who would want you?_

Dean tried to block the dark thought out, with a quick skull of his drink. He finished it off, appreciating the burn as it slide down his throat. Signalling for bartender for another, he looked around the bar, hoping to distract himself from his grim thoughts.

In the far corner, Dean noticed a pretty blonde.

She might not be his pretty blonde, but she'll do.


End file.
